Saturday, August 30, 2008

Kol Davar Biet Midrash

Today we met with our congregation outside in the beauty of God's kingdom. The Torah portion was about the blessing and the curse. We talked about how you can choose the blessing or choose the curse, but you cannot have both at the same time. It was very powerful and it was a rather interesting discussion. Are people who are rich with money also rich with Yah? Or do you have to be poor to have Yah in your life? I think that it is very interesting to think about Job and how he was a rich man yet he was a man of G-d. I am not so sure that material wealth is what G-d is after, but it also is not the deciding factor for salvation. We talked about how we need to make our hearts and minds in line with the blessing if we are going receive it. I want the blessing and I am going to try to work on my language as it is not always in line with Yah's. This is the thing I plan to work on in the next week or so. I beleive it will be a challenge, but I can do it.
Pastor also wants Hugh and I to start worship each week. We are going to have to put together music and dance to begin the service as well as prayer. I hope that we will be able to work on this before Sat morning. I pray that all goes well with this ministry.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm sick

Yesterday while i was with the kids, the twins were not feeling well at all. They were crabby and just all over not well. And guess who has it today? Me. I can hardly swallow my throat is so swollen, I have the chills and the hot flashes at the same time, my body aches, and I just want to stay in bed and sleep. But, of course that is not an option. I have to go to school. Missing is not an option. I suppose mass quantities of over the counter medicine is the answer. I have 4 days to get well this weekend. That better be enough time to deal with it and get tons of math homework done.
Pray I can make it through the day.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Support Meeting/ Denver BiPolar Bears Network

Last nights support group for bipolar was great. The meeting is growing and to me that is so exciting. There was a lady who had not been there in quite awhile, and it was great to see her again. It seems that we are all like minded in wanting recovery and it amazes me how everybody has a different way of achieving it. The ideas are great. The people are awesome. The time is worth spending with others like me who are BP.
I also have started a network ring as a support for people here in the Denver Metro area. Discussion boards, groups, problem solving are all part of what I would like to see on this site. I envision support from people and encouragenment. The sharing of ideas with each other and someplace to hang out in the virtual world so as not to feel alone.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Another day, Another week...TOO BUSY

Last Thursday something happened that has not happened for a very long time. I got so over stimulated that I could not deal. I had about a million things to do and I could not get anything accomplished. Just people talking was setting my heart racing, hands feeling clammy, and being on the verge of tears. Now when I say this hasn't happened in a long time, I am saying like years. I can usually handle my stress and can deal with anything thrown at me.
Am I doing too much? Should I slow down? Probably, but...(there's that word that will justify why I can't) if I don't do everything necessary to keep up with my life, I will get so far behind that I will be unable to catch up.
So, what do I do? Do I just give up or just keep trekking along? I will continue to move forward but this has taught me a very valuable lesson. I need to take breaks away from people to reorganize my insides. I cannot be with people all the time. I believe it is okay to be alone and do something just for me. That may sound selfish but if I don't there may not be a me left to do anything.
I will take time each day this week to do something special for just me. It may be small but it will be something that helps me feel great in my mixed up, crazy, busy life.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Cory and his stuff are officially moved into Colorado Northwestern Community College in Rangely, Colorado. I didn't think that so much stuff and a roommate were going to fit, but low and behold it did. We left early Friday morning and drove the 5 hours to our destination. It was a pleasant trip with a Chatty Cory in the back speaking about numerous subjects. When we arrived, Hugh and Cory carried all the stuff into the dorm room as I unpacked and organized as quickly as I could. Hugh and I wanted to get to Dinosaur National Park before dark to put up our tent and check things out. The room came together rather quickly and then it was off to fix his class schedule. He chose all classes that are guarenteed transfer as he was talking alot about maybe going to a four year school next year. We did the normal housekeeping business necesssary for having a student away at school. We walked to the bookstore and surprisingly his books were just under $300, not bad for 4 college courses. After all the running from place to place was done, Hugh and I said our goodbyes and left for our own adventure. The next afternoon we arrived to pick Cory up for our final lunch together. Then after lunch we said our goodbyes and I cried. My little boy is growing up.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Not as wonderful as I had hoped...

Well, the only thing good was the first thing this morning. I have been yelled at, cursed at, dumped on, taken advantage of, cried, and any other bad thing that could happen. I have been asked to do another task to which I do not want to do and with the amount of free time I have, I really don't want to do anything that doesn't make me happy. My professors are starting off with as much work as they think a 19 year old can handle. The only problem is I am not 19 anymore. They must think all I have to do is school work...oh how I wish. I am not sure how I am going to keep up this semester. Algebra I thought would be a breeze but I have more written work in that class than in English Comp. How is that?
I am getting up early to drive 5 hours to CO Northwestern Community College in Rangely, CO to deliver my 18 year old and all his belongings. I never thought we would get all that stuff in my van. I have a feeling the gas mileage is going to be awful, but how many times to you get to take children to college? Oncw, twice...or more? I hope it is only once.

What a wonderful day this will be...

I have been so busy lately that I find myself waking up dreading the upcoming day. This might be because my day starts at between 5 and 6 am. How many people really want to do anything that early? Well, today is different. I am the member of Lapbook Lessons, a group with a link on the right side of this blog, and their monthly newsletter just came out. I thought well, I will just skim the articles and get back to them when I have some time. But blow me away, right there at the top of the newsletter is a picture of me. What on earth is going on? Apparently the moderator thought I should be member of the month and so I am. She wrote a very nice writeup about me and all that I do. I was in shock and actually screamed. My husband, Hugh, who was in bed, got up and ran to find out what was wrong. I showed him the page and he just smiled. He said congrats and went back to bed. I however have classes early and must get things done.
I think today is going to be a great day. Even though I am packing my 18 year old for college later, I don't think that will take away my bliss for now. I am going to obsorb this moment all day. I am very happy.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Well, this is it...first day

I am up early and the nerves are still there. My stomach is giving me a fit and I have a pimple on my nose. Could this be the first day of school? Why yes it is. I'm not sure why I go through this every semester, but I do. I am so worked up about classes and professors and grades that I forget that it is just another step on my path of life.
Everybody has a path that God has given them, and this is just mine. I should embrace it with love and patience. I should know that I am covered by a blanket of blood of Yeshua that cannot be penetrated. I should know all this. BUT, I am still wigged out by first day jitters.
Someday this will be a piece of cake, but for now I am living one anxious moment at a time.

Monday, August 18, 2008

What is a leader?

As I am trying to prepare to teach others about leadership, I am beginning to question my own leadership abilities. I know others say that I am a good leader but what is that? I prepare diligently for anything I do in my life. I have started two power points about the unit topics I am teaching about, but does that make ma a leader? Planning? I also research topics I am unclear of, is that a leader? I believe these things just make me a good planner and organizer. What about following through on what I say I will do? Again, I don't think this is a leader. I am very concerned that others think I am something I am not.
Now in the mental health community, anyone who goes out and raises above is looked at differently. My fellow consumers you are a hero, and to the professionals you are treated with suspicion. I don't do what I do for recognition or anything, I just want to be the best me I can. Is that a leader?
When I think of leader I think of people like Mahatma Ghandi, Rosa Parks, John F. Kennedy, martin Luther King, Jr., Erial Sharon, President Bush, Susan B. Anthony, etc. I defineatly do not see myself like them. They have changed the world. I am just trying to change me so I can be in the world. Don't get me wrong, I do want to make a difference, but recognition is not what I am in it for. I want to help shape the future of this person at a time.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

School Starts on Tuesday...

Although I love school, I am apprehensive since I am going to a different college than the one I attended last year. I don't think I have anything harder in classes, but some of the policies are different and I am fearful of working and going to school full time. Am I crazy? Have I taken on too much? College algebra should be the class with the most homework and probably the most time consuming, but not necessarily the hardest. Freshman English is another class that will have alot of out of class work, but since I love to write this should not be too stressful. Public speaking...not a big problem as I have been a trainer in various groups/programs for years. The class I am most worried about is Integrated Science. This is a full year class which includes chemistry, physics, biology, and earth science. Because I dropped out of high school prior to even biology, I am feeling very nervous that this class is going to be very time consuming with reading the textbook and writing up lab reports. The writing is not a huge problem except I feel inferior to draw pictures or write down procedure charts. Thankfully, this is the only science I need to get my degree!
I keep thinking that the end result is what I am after and that I can bear anything to get my school off the ground. Maybe I have grandious ideas, but I want this so much that I can taste it. As of now, I don't know the practicallity of having such a school...but I know that whoever I bounce the idea off, loves it. So, somehow I will start this, if it is the last thing I do. so far has been hard work and I assume that it will continue to be. I am up for the challenge and plan to put 110% into it to become who I want to be. It is not that I don't love who I am now, but I know I am more than who I am now. The pressure I put on myself to success is in direct proportion to the people who have said I will never amount to anything. I plan to prove them wrong and, as the Army saqys, be all that I can be

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Raining outside, Painting inside

Yesterday was so rainy around here and noway for us to outside to let off steam. So, I had the brilliant idea to get out the paint and paper and let the kids just go for it. The twins finger painted as well as used the brush, but they were more interested in seeing if green paint was edible. Henry had paint on his face while Lucy just squished it through her hands.
Then they was Oscar...he loved the paint with the paintbrush he painted grass. Then he got all of him into it; hands, back, tummy, face. He seemed so happy, I will have to do this again sometime, just not too soon!

Friday, August 15, 2008

LapBook Finished on Goodnight Moon

I had such a good time making this book with my nephew. He loves the matching cards and acting out the story of The 3 Bears complete with puppets and scenery. He can recite Hey Diddle, Diddle himself as well as 3 Little Kittens (the first part). I think overall it was a very fun, educational experience for us.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Chance to win free Homeschool Planner

Really simple, just go to the following blog and leave a comment. This planner is one I have been looking at for awhile.

Let her know I sent you!!

Someone sent this and it is great.......

I Will Survive (the first year of homeschooling)
Originally written and produced by Freddie Perren and Dino Fekaris
Originally performed by Gloria Gaynor
Mercilessly altered with apologies by Natalie Criss
============ ======== ============ ======

First I was afraid
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I could never teach
'Cause I'm not certified.
But we spent so many nights
Reteaching homework that was wrong.
I grew strong,
so now I teach my kids at home!
We study math
and outer space.
I just kept on despite the fear
with a big smile across my face.
I bought a set of Base Ten blocks.
I bought books with answer keys.
My parents think we're nuts,
but they don't even bother me
Come on, let's go walk out the door.
We're on the road now,
'cause we're not home much anymore
My friends would laugh and say we'd be unsocialized.
I heard one mumble
that I'd give up b y July.
Oh no, not I!
I will survive!
As long as I know how to read
I know we'll be alright.
I've got all my life to learn.
I've got energy to burn.
and I'll survive.
I will survive.
It took all the strength I had
not to fall apart.
Decided to attend
a play date at the local park,
and I met oh so many moms
who offered eagerly to help.
They used to cry.
Now they hold their heads up high,
and so do we!
My kids are cool!
They're not those chained up little people
stuck inside at school.
So if you feel like dropping by
and just expect us to be free
you'd better call ahead first
'cause we're probably busy

Christian Zionist

I had a question this morning about what does being a Messianic Christian Zionist mean. To mean this is who I am in Yah (G-d). It is honoring him who is my Creator and my Adonai. I want to make my life pleasing to Yah and I try doing that by being of service to others. This is not just during church hours, as some do, but in all aspects of my life. Yah has given me a brain to use and a body to worship him with. I think that if I am not doing that, than I am wasting my time here on earth. I do sometimes pray he gives me less of a load to carry, but at this point he is keeping me extremely busy. I guess I cannot get into much trouble if I am busy!

I am involved in training persons with mental illness to advocate for themselves so that they get the best possible treatment.
I help run a Bipolar support group.
I carry 15 credit hours at college.
My hubby and I have been asked to lead worship at the shul we attend.
I watch 3 children about 20 hours per week.
I belong to several on-line groups for varying issues...moms, messianic, lap books. preschool, Christians, etc.
I am actively helping to plan my sons wedding in May.
I am involved with the band boosters at the high school my child attends, Columbine High.

So, after being involved, I think that Yah wants me to celebrate the feasts of Leviticus. My hubby and I always look forward to them. We have our own traditions and use a lot of traditional Jewish customs to celebrate the Feasts. Every year we have all the children over for a Hanukkah party (none of our children are into Jewish roots) and have a fry fest, watch a movie usually 8 Crazy Nights with Adam Sandler, light the menorah and say the prays, and play dreidles. My kids love the chocolate and we usually run out before the game is over. This is just one of the ways we celebrate. We also try to light the candles every night at sun down spending time together with Yah and each other.

Another thing I love about my Christian Zionist walk is the dance and the music. I love to dance for Yah and it makes me feel so content and peaceful. My hubby plays guitar and that too is pretty special since so much of his music is in Hebrew.

I'll post more later on my walk with Yeshua...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


I do wish that Mr. Sandman would have come and visited last night. Why is it that when you have to get up really early, you can't sleep the night before? i feel like I have been run over by a mac truck and yet I have to go to work. And this is going to be a 12 hour or more day alone with the children. I just hope everyone naps at the same time!! Life with twins and a 3 yr old is always hectic and crazy, thank goodness they are my brothers kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them very much, but I am getting too old for not getting sleep every night.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

BiPolar Meet-Up Last night

This was such a great meeting. I learned so much from the other group members. We talked about different ways to honor ourselves while we are going through the depression side of this disorder. I was very uplifted by the support and encouragement from the others. My hubby was there and he gave some wisdom to another member who was struggling. I believe that by being a teacher and a student all people can benefit. Bi Polar is just another obstacle that has to be overcome in order to have the life that I want, one of my choosing.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Week of Uncertainty

I have a doctors appointment and a mammogram scheduled for this week. I am not really concerned about the mammogram, but I am about the doctor. i have a bladder disease, Interstitial Cystitis, that has been acting up. I am just miserable and hope that since a couple of years of ago when I was diagnosed, some new treatment has been discovered. The pain, urgency, and frequency is just driving me nuts. For more information
Also, tonight is a meeting of the BiPolar Meetup in Denver. I am trying to take a leading role in this group, but it seems like I am being pushed back into the mainstream. I like this group since it helps to have friends who are high functioning BiPolar's. There seems to be so many people with BP who think it is okay for them to sit around and do nothing because of the diagnosis. I believe that BP are more capable than they give themselves credit for. I pray that the mental health community as a whole begins to give people with severe mental illness the opprotunity to become all that they can be, rather than holding them back.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Who am I?????

Mother of 3 terrific sons
Step-mother to 18 yr old girl, 15 yr old boy
Wife to my best friend for over 5 years
Full time college student, majoring in math
Hobbies...scrapping, hiking, camping, vacationing for educational purposes
Nanny of 8 month old twins (girl/boy), and 3 yr old boy (these are my brothers kids)
Oldest son is getting married in May 2009 and I am helping to plan wedding
Messianic Jew and love to dance for Yah
Hubby is a songwriter and has a degree in classic guitar
3 kids, hubby and I all in college this year, as well as future daughter-in-law
love emeralds
green is my favorite color
I don't like pizza, pork, or baked beans
I love frosting, cake, and chicken Caesar salad
I believe in hard work, praying hard, and living now since we are in the end times
I love my family very much and are proud of them